Shameful

After re-reading my last post and some of the comments I got, I felt kinda bad. Sometimes even thought something my bother me a little, I will vent or complain about it in a way where I think I'm being funny and light-hearted but others just kinda think I'm being a downer. And I get that. Especially when it's the written word and you can't see me smile and laugh and poke fun at myself for being whiny.

But this pregnancy is one subject that I NEVER want to be perceived as complaining about. Or ungrateful for. Or unhappy about in any way. First, because I feel that, despite a couple bumps early on, I am beyond grateful for how easy this pregnancy has been on me. Especially when it comes to symptoms. I have known friends and family members who have had very uncomfortable or complicated pregnancies. And I truly feel blessed not only that the baby is doing so well but that I have been feeling pretty great too.

Probably the worst thing I can truly complain about is the constant worry and wonder. (I can't feel the baby so how do I know she's ok? Is she doing well? Growing? How is her heart developing? Her lungs? Her brain? Did that one bad blood sugar hurt her? Is she getting everything she needs? Should I be doing more? Should I be doing less?) But I think those thoughts just come with the territory of being a soon-to-be-parent, especially when you have a job like mine!!

But most importantly, I don't want to seem grumpy or cranky about this pregnancy because when I say that I (WE!) are deliriously happy and unstoppably in love with this child it's a gross understatement. And I think that's the reason I'm so anxious to feel her kick, see her grow in my belly, hear her heartbeat, feel pregnant, look pregnant, etc. From the moment we found out we were expecting, it has seemed to me that I had loved this little baby for a long while already. And as the days, weeks and now months have passed, it's crazy to me that I'm still are so early in the pregnancy! How is she not here yet? How is it we still don't know if it's a boy or a girl? How can it be that she is only/already 4 inches long?!? Some days it still doesn't even feel real.

Anyway, just wanted to put those thoughts out there. Hope they make sense.

~Layne

PS: No, we don't know the sex yet. Only a few weeks left, though! I'm referring to the baby as "her" because I hate saying "it" and I'm sick of playing the pronoun game (he/she). Plus, we kinda have a feeling . . . . just sayin'.

Of course, if a little boy pops out, the poor thing will be scarred for life that his mother called him a girl on the internet. ;-)