Sunday, November 7, 2010

Pregnancy is funny

. . . in an embarrassing kinda way. In the last couple weeks I have noticed a pretty big change in my belly and with it my mobility, agility and (to some extent) my sanity. Let me explain . . .

First, apparently, I'm a clutz. I can't seem to hold onto anything! At first I just thought it was a serious case of "butterfingers" but I actually read in one of my weekly pregnancy emails that a woman's grasp tends to weaken and she starts losing some of her hand-eye coordination about half-away (or more) through pregnancy. Well, holy cow?!? I felt a little better knowing that it wasn't just me being clumsy. On the other hand, though, it's also kinda like a cruel joke. Because you know what gets exponentially harder when you are later in your pregnancy? Well, let me tell you . . . it's bending over . . . as in, to pick things up off the floor. The things that you dropped on the floor!

And it really doesn't help that I look like a total moron while doing it. Again, let me explain. I have loooong lost the ability to bend at the waist and squatting isn't as fun as it used to be. My solution is a half-bend/half-squat where I actually bow my knees out to make room for the belly that tucks in between them on the way down. Trust me, it's about as graceful as it sounds and is (I'm sure) pretty amusing to view.

You can stop laughing now . . . .

I'll wait . . . .

A few of the other embarrassing things that I've had to enjoy over the last few weeks (as my belly gets bigger and bigger) are:
  • The noises I make everytime I change positions. It's mostly getting up but occassionally when my back is hurting I'll let out a nice groan as I sit down too. And it's especially obvious in the middle of the night when I'm changing sides. I keep wondering where the 80-year-old arthritic man is until I realize that it's me making those noises!
  • Speaking of the middle of the night . . . Since pregnant ladies aren't allowed to sleep on their backs and (for obvious reason) can't sleep on their bellies, we are relegated to 2 positions: right-side and left-side. But, ironically, I don't roll as well as I used to and it seems like it takes an act of Parliament to re-position from one side all the way to the other side in bed. Between the grunting and groaning and the moving of the pillow and then the (clumsy/bumpy) turning of my body and then fishing for my pump tubing and arranging it so I don't get tangled . . . it's quite the ordeal. And I'm sure my poor husband is jolted squarely awake each and every time this event takes place.
  • Lifting my legs up to cross them has gotten harder and harder. Not suprising since my center of gravity has changed so drastically and my abdominal muscles don't have the leverage they used to. No big deal, I don't really need to cross my legs. Well, I do need to wear shoes. And to wear some shoes I need to tie them. Oh! And I also need to wear socks. And it is only when I try to put on shoes and socks that I have realized how far away my feet have gotten from me. Most days I can muddle through. But there are days when my back is killing me or (worse) when my feet and legs are particularly swollen and stiff (mostly after my long, 24-hour shifts at work) when the idea of tying my shoes or putting on socks is just So. Not. Worth. It. I have actually become one of those people who grabs their pant leg in order to hoist their leg onto their lap. That's me!?!? I have even (to my own horror) made puppy-dog eyes at Brad and asked him (pathetically) to help me off or on with my shoes and socks. It's seriously pitiful.

Those are the biggies and I'll spare you the more gory, less tasteful delights of pregancy that really shouldn't see the light of a public blog. Most days I just can't help but giggle at myself. Sure, my back hurts and I'm stiff and sore most nights, I wake up once a night (minimum) to pee and go about every hour during the day, I'm wobbly and clumsy and awkward and there are some days my ankles are indistinguishable from my calves (luckily those are still few and far between).

But it's all so ridiculous I just can't help but laugh at myself. And then she kicks me and makes my belly jump and jiggle to remind me that it's all because of her and how worth it she really is. (She could also be kicking me to let me know that I'm squishing her and to stand up straight already! Either way, still worth it!)



  1. Too funny! I love it! I can totally relate with the bending over/squatting thing and the side switching at night, so fun ;)

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am seriously with you on all of those. Plus I've been walking into things lately like nobody's business.