A Year in Review: 2009

I am starting a meme tradition around here at Semi-Charmed Life. I did this meme last year and I loved it! It was so much fun going through the posts from 2009 and remembering what the last year had been like, what I had been through and what I had been thinking. It's almost like reliving a piece of the past. It's only been a few months but some things feel like forever ago (like moving into our first home) and some things just feel like yesterday (like the Gators winning the national title). And there's just something amazing about reading my thoughts in those moments. So, now for the second annual "Year in Review."

Here's how it works: Jot down the first line of a definitive or memorable post from each month in 2009. I don't think my first-liners are all that great and probably don't really reflect my entire post since I tend to ramble and wander from subject to subject. So, to give things more context, sometimes I broke the rules and included more than just the first sentence. There were some months were a bunch of big stuff happened but I just picked the post with the best first-liner. There were other months where the most significant post didn't have the greatest first line but since the post was particularly meaningful to me, I included it anyway.

January: Big changes, big week
"But what a difference a year makes"

February: NYC, here we come!
"So I've been eerily silent lately. I feel it, I know it. But really what is there to blog about when you are happy, relaxed and having a great time? Isn't this a place to vent?"

March: Lazy days
"I've been so lazy lately. I can't seem to motivate myself to do the stuff I want to/should do."

April: Omnipod
"So, one of the things I did with my month off was take the time to (finally) try out my trial Omnipod."

May: Baby fever
"So I don't really know where it came from."

June: Days since . .
"Wow . . . Kerri's recent post inspired me to figure out how many days it's been since I've been diagnosed. So I was curious and I Googled and found this website and . . . just . . . well . . . holy crap!"

July: Bad day
"So a couple weeks back I did something really stupid. I went to work . . . and left my insulin at home."

August: Blast from the past
"Okay, so a couple months ago Kerri over at Six Until Me has had a few posts where she dug up some of her old school diabetes equipment and what-have-you and reminisced about the "good old days" back in ancient diabetes times."

September: N/A
Yeah . . . I suck and forgot to post for a month!

October: Pack your bags . . .
". . cause you're going on a guilt-trip."

November: My day at work
"Today (and yesterday for that matter) I took care of a very sick little boy who was dying."

December: Christmas cards and Christmas wishes!
"Today I am mailing out this year's Christmas cards."

Honorable mentions:
These were thrown in for good measure. They are posts I loved but didn't quite make the cut.

Pity Party
"Recently a fellow D-blogger's post reminded me a lot of my 'wake up call.' I think every diabetic has one."

Suckage . .
"Recently I've realized that sometimes I just can't tell people the ugly truth, even when I really, really want to."

Introducing . .
"So I know this is random but there is someone who is a big part of my life and I think it's about time we've had a proper introduction, don't you?"

Big News!
"Well, I guess I finally have to spill the beans, huh?"

What am I thankful for?
"I am at work right now but I am thankful that the crew I am working with is the 'cool crew.'"

Accountability and the DOC
"Since it's the holiday season I've been thinking about all the trouble that the big "D" can get me (us) in during this time of year."

Here's to a happy, healthy, wonderful 2010!!
Happy New Year!
~Layne

Question!

Well, Kerri is awesome. I'm sure most of you know this but I just had to say that she is just so great. I've been having some insurance issues and she mentioned a while ago that she often gets questions from readers and if she doesn't know the answer, she'll pass them on via her blog. So I thought it couldn't hurt to ask! So I emailed her earlier today and "Voila!" within several hours she'd posted it. So, like I said, she's awesome.

To fill the rest of you in, I have been trying to go back on the pump for some time now. I used to pump in high school and college but was never in love with it and stopped in 2001. I've been on MDI's ever since and my A1C's have been good (mid-6's). I've been happy with my control and MDI's just seemed to fit my lifestyle. Early last year Brad and I decided we were very nearly ready to start a family. I talked to my Endo about it because I wanted to know what (if anything) I should be doing to prepare. He has never pushed me to go back on the pump but for pregnancy he feels it's the best option. So we decided to submit the paperwork to the insurance company and try to get me approved for the pump.

This was back in April. And I was very swiftly denied. Their words were that it was not "medically necessary" (aka my A1C's were already low "enough") and that the pump I wanted (the Omnipod) was an "out of network provider" so basically they didn't want to pay for it. Yeah, that was annoying. We have since appealed and they are standing firm with their original "No!" A couple of weeks ago, I got a called from my Endo's nurse (who handles most of the pump appeals) who suggested that we would probably have better luck if we asked for a different pump that my insurance company does have a history of approving for their patients. My second choice was the Animas Ping, so I called the Animas rep and she said that she does work with my insurance company and they have approved the Ping for some of their patients!! Yay!! So we have started the appeals process again, hoping to finally get approved. Well, here's were the problem comes in . . . no, believe it or not all that mess wasn't the "real" problem!

I'm starting a new job soon and will be changing insurance companies!! I'll be staying with my current insurance company (via Cobra) for the next 3 months or so becuase my benefits don't kick in for 90 days at the new job. But, if I actually get approved, I'll be a new pump user, so I'm not sure if it will carry over to the new insurance company?? Or will I have to go through all this appeals mess again?? I've already waited 8 months for this! And I don't really want to put the baby-making on hold any longer! ;o)

My hope is that, no matter how long I've been on the pump, whatever supplies I go into my new insurance plan using will be covered automatically without additional approval needed. But who knows? What if they don't have a contract with the pump I pick? Will they actually make me switch pumps? Can they even freaking do that? What if they don't cover pump supplies at all?

I'm stressing, can you tell? Anyway, thanks for listening to my vent and if you've already posted advice over at SUM, thanks for chiming in. If you have any other tips for dealing with insurance companies or advice from experience from this kind of thing, I'm all ears so please feel free to comment below!

Thanks all!
~Layne

Not for the faint of sugar. . er . . .heart

Okay, for those of you who don't already know, I absolutely adore cooking and baking. I love food. Trying new things, new tastes, experimenting, making things I didn't think I could make at home. . . and finding out how easy and delicious it can be. When a recipe works out and Brad actually likes it (he can be pretty picky, at times) it is such feeling of success!! A huge rush!! Anyway, I really, really enjoy it and try to do it as often as possible.

I also try to stay as healthy and budget-conscientious as possible which (unfortunately) takes a lot of the fun out of cooking. But a big pro of cooking is how much money you are saving by not eating out, which is a big vice that Brad and I have. We love food and eating out is fun and easy alternative to making dinner when we are wrecked at the end of the day. Besides the waste of money, eating out also tends to be much less healthy than making the same kinds of food at home. One fun thing that I love to do is recreate a dish that I ate at a restaurant that we both liked. It's fun to try to make it at home for less money and more health benefits.

But then the holidays come and all that health and budget stuff goes flying out the window. The last couple of weeks I have spent hours in the kitchen making goodies for the holidays and they are positively sinful. My best friend, Kristen, and I made a pact that whatever we didn't eat before New Year's Eve will be served at our New Year's Eve party. Because eating all that by yourself just isn't a good idea.

In other attempts to keep from consuming all these calories myself (with the help of Brad and Raina, of course), I have also taken to giving some of these treats out to friends. And, in response, I've gotten a few recipe requests. So I've posted some of our yummiest recipes over on our food blog but, be warned, these are NOT nutritionally or diabetically friendly!! But these treats are amazing, so allow yourself to enjoy some deliciousness . . . in moderation, of course!

Homemade Marshmallows (Yes, it can be done!)

Saltine Toffee Candy (Sounds weird but cast aside your doubts, this candy is phenomenal!)

And just so you know that I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that I've literally got thousands of calories worth of homemade sinful-ness stashed in my fridge, here's the evidence!

Hope you enjoy!
~Layne

Note: Believe it or not, my sugars have actually been pretty good this holiday season. I had one day this weekend where my sugars where bouncing all over and I was dealing with high's one minute and lows the next (I hate that!). But eventually I got it under control and for the most part the rest of the time I've managed to stay on top of my sugars. But I won't say anymore for fear of jixing it!

Where is the dog?

It has been unseasonably. . well, not unseasonably, but definitely unusually . . . cold here in Florida this week. Raina has been enjoying some relaxing lap time with us and we have broken out the much-hated (by Brad) dog sweaters. Raina actually likes them because she really does get cold very easily and they really do help. And I just think they are too darn cute! All this lap time is much less exciting for her than her usual window-jumping, barking, mad-dash adventures but does provide some much needed warmth for her skinny, little, close-to-the-ground body.

Well, a few days ago I decided that it had been a while since I had seen Raina around. No barking at the window, no lap time and no familiar tap-tap-tapping of her little claws on the wood floor. So, like the nervous "mother" I am, I decided to try to find her and make sure that she was not only okay, but also had not gotten into any trouble since I had last spotted her.

First, her living room bed. . . nope.Then, her office bed. . . nope.
Then, her crate in our bedroom . . . again, nothing!
And, yes, she really does have that many beds! I called and called but she didn't come. One last room to check, the guest bedroom. But surely she wouldn't be in there. .
Wait a minute . . . ?
That little shit!
Ugh! But she's just so stinkin' cute! ;-)
She's really not supposed to do this. The guest bed is the only bed in the house that is low enough for her to be able to climb on unassisted. Every so often she'll decide that burrowing under the pillows sounds like a really great idea! It's been a while since she's done it but I guess the cold weather just got to her. . . so much so that her "Santa's Helper" sweater just wasn't doing the trick.

But, like I said . . . she's just too freaking cute! And we end up in a puddle of giggles rather than punishing her like we should. Oh well.

Spoiled dog.

~Layne

Merry Christmas!!

So far I have had the most amazing Christmas! There is still more to come but I wanted to pop on and wish everyone out there a very merry Christmas. I hope that everyone is feeling as much love and joy as I am.

Merry Christmas everyone!
~Layne

PS: And as absolutely stuffed as I am, my blood-sugars have been amazing (seriously, 70's and 80's) all day long!?! I'm off to my third (or fourth?) Christmas feast of the day so here's hoping it lasts!

Christmas cards and Christmas wishes!

Today I am mailing out this year's Christmas cards. For the last several years, this has become a tradition, to have a family picture taken and sent out (in Christmas card form) to family and loved ones during the holidays.

This year's picture isn't my favorite. (Last year's was cuter even if we lost Raina a little in all that black!) But it's still a cute card and since this is where my "blog family" is located, I thought I would share it with all of you!

I really do wish all of you a safe, happy and Merry Christmas! And I hope this year everyone has the time to sit back and reflect on what this holiday is truly about. The blessings that He has bestowed on you and the wonderful people (and puppies) that God has made a part of your life. This time of year can be stressful (baking and presents and shopping, oh my!) but it can be such a magical time too, if you let it! I am so grateful for all that I have. . .

. . . an amazing husband who adores me and who sometimes I wonder if I really deserve.

. . . a sweet little dog who loves to cuddle one minute and bark her little butt off the next.

. . . an infuriating, but wonderful family who I couldn't live without. Especially a mother who has always put me first, even when I'm all grown up.

. . . and a wonderful group of friends that I know would do anything for me if I ever needed it.

. . . Oh! And the DOC, who always lends an ear and a shoulder when life just gets to be too much and I can't quite take it anymore.

I really am grateful. There isn't much more in life that I could ask for (::cough:: baby ::cough::). May you all have a blessed Christmas!

~Layne

May the Lord bless you and keep you;
May the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you;
May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.
Numbers 6:24-26

Semi-Charmed Life, Pt 1

So I recently realized that I have never explained the reason for my blog name. I thought for sure that, at some point, I must have . . . but I looked and nope! So here goes. . .

I'm sure most people remember the song "Semi-Charmed Life." It was by Third Eye Blind, one of my favorite bands of all time and was released in 1997, square in the middle of my high school years. It was a pretty popular song for a while. I loved the song as soon as it came out and for me and my friends it became an instant beach song. You know, the kind of song that you blast in the car over the summer as you and a car-ful of friends are driving to the beach with the windows rolled down, singing into your hairbrush. I'm sure everyone has that song (or two or three) that just sums up a certain time in your life. Well, Semi-Charmed Life was that song for me for my high school years.

It's a song about a dude who does crystal meth and his descent into addiction. The chorus talks about wanting something more in life but not really knowing what or even how to get it. So why did it resonate with us? With me? A 15 year old kid who made great grades, never got into trouble and who wouldn't know what to do with crystal meth if you handed it to her!

Well, first and most obviously was the beat and the music, it was just awesome. The music and the lyrics were all over the place and a bit A.D.D., which works great for any 15-year old. It was just good, happy music. Not so much the lyrics but the beat, definitely. It was energetic and we would blast it, start jumping around and just have a great time. The fact that it was about drugs made it "edgy" and even more fun. (It's 15-year-old logic . . run with me here.)

But the song wasn't just about addiction. If you listen closely and know the lyrics, you'll see that it talks a lot about being happy and then sad and confused about life all at once. And then there's that part about wanting more. Well, if that doesn't sound like an angsty teenage, I don't know what does.

This post is getting pretty long, so more on what about this song inspired my blog title to come. Until then, here are the lyrics to a great song, in case you never knew them and a little video to remind you of the song itself.

Enjoy!

Semi-Charmed Life lyrics
Do do do,
doot do doot do,
Do do do,
doot do doot do,
Do do do,
doot do doot do

I'm packed and I'm holding
I'm smiling, she's living, she's golden
She lives for me
Says she lives for me
Ovation, her own motivation
She comes round and she goes down on me

And I make her smile
Like a drug for you
Do ever what you want to do
Coming over you
Keep on smiling,
What we go through
One stop to the rhythm that divides you

And I speak to you like the chorus to the verse
Chop another line like a coda with a curse
I come on like a freak show takes the stage
We give 'em the games she play,

She said
I want something else
To get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life (Baby, baby)
I want something else
I'm not listening when you say
Good-bye

Do do do,
doot do doot do,
Do do do,
doot do doot do,
Do do do,
doot do doot do

The sky it was gold, it was rose
I was taking tips of it through my nose
And I wish I could get back there
Some place back there
Smiling in the pictures you would take
Doing crystal meth
Will lift you up until you break

It won't stop, I won't come down,
I keep stock with a tick-tock rhythm,
A bump for the drop
And then I bumped up
I took the hit that I was given
Then I bumped again
And then I bumped again

I said, How do I get back there to
The place where I fell asleep inside you?
How do I get myself back to
The place where you said

I want something else
To get me through this
Semi-charmed kind of life (Baby, baby)
I want something else
I'm not listening when you say
Good-bye

I believe in the sand beneath my toes
The beach gives a feeling, an earthy feeling
I believe in the faith that grows

And the four right chords can make me cry
When I'm with you I feel like I could die
And that would be all right, all right

And when the plane came in
She said she was crashing
The velvet it rips, in the city
We tripped on the urge to feel alive
But now I'm struggling to survive
Those days you were wearing that velvet dress
You're the priestess, I must confess
Those little red panties
They pass the test
Slides up around the belly
Face down on the mattress

One, and you hold me
And we're broken

Still it's all that I want to do, just a little now
Feel myself, head made of the ground
I'm scared, I'm not coming down, no no
And I won't run from my life
She's got her jaws now locked down in a smile
But nothing is all right, all right

I want something else
To get me through this life.
Baby
I want something else
I'm not listening when you say
Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye, good-bye

Do do do,
doot do doot do,
Do do do,
doot do doot do,
Do do do,
doot do doot do

The sky it was gold, it was rose
I was taking sips of it through my nose
And I wish I could get there
someplace, back there
In the place we use to start our lives

Christmas decorations!

Well, as promised, here are the much anticipated (note the sarcasm) pictures of our holiday decorations this year. I think we need to add a little more to the yard but it was our first year doing outdoor decorations and we didn't want to go overboard.

Sorry the outdoor pics are so dark but we were trying to the get full effect of the lights. For our first year, I don't think it looks half bad. I also included our family stockings that I made for each of us several years ago. Raina gets so excited when her's comes out of the box! Oh! And you can even see our Gator ornament at the center of our Christmas tree! :-) Although our star blends in a little since it's right in front of the red valence. Oh well, I still love our Christmas decorations. They make me happy!

Enjoy!
~Layne

Ugh . .

I feel like I've been punched or kicked. And a little nauseaus. No, my blood sugar is fine. But the butt-whopping the Gators just got from Alabama was entirely too depressing for my taste.

Seriously bummed now. . .

There goes our season. . .

Ugh,
~Layne

I'm such a slacker. . .

Okay so I was definitely supposed to work this weekend. And it was a bummer because I'm SURE that you all know that today is the SEC Championship Game, Gators vs Alabama!! Meanwhile, I'm stuck at work. :-( Booooo . . .

On the other hand, our NICU has been having census issues, meaning that we don't have as many babies as we normally do and our nurses are getting called off work. It's kind of a blessing and a curse. Of course it's always a blessing when babies are doing well, going home and/or not getting sick in the first place. But we all need to make a living and the nurses are hurting with all these call-offs.

So that leaves me with this morning, when I was grumbling with another girlfriend at work about much it sucks to not be able to enjoy the game. We are both big Gator fans and we were both hugely bummed. Then one of the nurses who got called off this morning called into the unit asking if anyone wanted to go home early, because she wanted to pick up extra hours wherever she could. Well, I hopped on board!! So I got off work at 2pm in time to be back home, in my Gator gear and parked in front of the boob tube for the game!!

And the best part is that when my girlfriend heard what I had pulled off, she actually had the brilliant idea of calling one of the other ladies who got canceled this morning and offered her part of her shift!! So we ended up leaving together!! I am such a bad influence. ;-)

So, yeah, I gave up part of my paycheck to go home, be lazy and watch the game?? When did I turn into a man! Oh well! I'm just glad to be having so much fun this afternoon and I'll be back at work bright and early tomorrow morning. And I guess I better get going because the game is starting . . .I'm very nervous because it's a big game and no one knows whats going to happen. But aren't those always the best kind of games?

Go Gators!

~Layne

Explanation

Okay, so that last post was incoherent rambling at best. To explain, I have been having a LOT of lows lately. Most notably in the morning when I first wake up. And these lows have been breaking all my rules. Usually, if I make sure my blood sugar is over 100 before bed I'm okay throughout the night and morning. But I've been as high as 153 before bed and then taking a nose-dive at night and (barely) waking up with a blood sugar in the 40s or 50s. Um. . . annoying?

Especially when it's after a nice long night of sleep when I actually should be waking up refreshed and rested. . . instead I'm a sweaty, shaky mess and I feel completely drained. NOT a good start to the day!

So this morning, it happened . . . again. I woke up with a blood sugar of 48 and went into shaky, panic mode. Of course I over-corrected (because of the complete lack of willpower that happens when I go into the aforementioned shaky, panic mode) and ended up battling a high blood sugar for the rest of the morning. Until, of course, after lunch when I decided to go low again. Ugh. . . shoot me.

::Attn Males: Turn away if you are squeamish about girl-stuff::

If I had to guess I'm going to blame my period. I think that most diabetic women usually run high during their period but I don't. I think I actually tend to bounce around way more during my period. I will run low most of the time but then it seems to be way easier to over-correct a low when I am on my period, thus sending my sugars through the roof. Maybe I'm just more sensitive to both food and insulin at "that time of the month"?

Who knows? All I know is that it's really frustrating to have a routine and to have rules that govern the majority of this stupid disease . . . and then randomly all bets are off and my sugars go haywire. I can blame my period or whatever else but the truth is that I'll never know why my blood sugars are being weird. All I can do is guess and try to anticipate it in the future. But for the here and now my only option to get through it is to treat and move on.

Oh! And to quell the rising frustration that threatens to take over . . .I should do that too!

Grrrrrr,
~Layne

Low, low, low

I'm low. I'm here, sipping OJ and low. I haven't even tested but I know I'm low.

Okay, now I've tested and I'm 62. . . after the first round of OJ.

Lows suck. . . is it over yet?

Just sayin'

And thank the Lord, too! Very satisfying but ::whew:: lots of work! Hopefully this has changed my blogging habits for the better, though. And believe it or not there are actually still topics that I wanted to talk about that I never had a chance to post. At least I can take my time now. My new goal (post-NaBloPoMo) will be to write a few posts a week . . . wish me luck!

~Layne

Couple Meme

This meme is from Karen's blog and I thought it was cute. I loved that she included wedding pics! I realized I hardly ever talk about Brad so, on the last day of NaBloPoMo (OMG! YAY!!), I thought I would give up some of the goods on our history together! And I'm stealing Karen's (brilliant) idea and including some pics of us throughout the years.

Enjoy!

How long have you been together? We started dating in high school (end of my sophomore and his senior year) and have been together over 11 years. Our first date was June 28, 1998. That's why I have a hard time only telling people how long we've "been married" because I feel like it jipps us out of 8 years!?!

How long did you know each other before you started dating? We met in the fall of 1997, so we knew each other about 10 months or so before we started dating.

Who asked whom out? Well, I guess Brad asked me out first (and multiple times) but I wasn't so much interested. It wasn't until he was about to graduate and go away to college when I realized what a good thing I could be missing out on and decided to give it a shot. So the time it actually stuck I actually asked him out!! And, after all that, he turned me down!?!? It's a long story :-) but obviously it worked out in the end!

How old are each of you? I am 27 and he is 29.

Whose siblings do you see the most? I have a brother and so does he and unfortunately we don't see either of them as much as we'd like. My brother lives in Ohio and usually we only see him once or so a year. (Talk about a bummer!) Brad's brother lives almost 4 hours away and is always traveling for his job. We see him more often but still only once or so every few months.

Did you go to the same school? Yes! He moved to Florida in 1996 and from that point on we went to the same high school (Lake Brantley High) and college (University of Florida - Go Gators!).

Are you from the same home town? Kind of. It's funny actually because Brad and I were actually born in the same hospital, 2 years apart. But when he was 3, Brad's family moved to Yardley, Pennsylvania and I grew up my whole life in Orlando, FL. When he was 16, his family moved back to Orlando. So he really considers Yardley his "home town" but technically we were both born here!

Who is smarter? That's hard to say. We both have our own strengths. Brad has the patience of Job and can sit down for hours to figure out the tiniest problem so he is great at puzzles, etc. I have absolutely no patience but my critical thinking skills are very sharp and I tend to think pretty quickly and do it on my feet. (Hello, I work in healthcare!!)

Who is the most sensitive? Definitely me. Actually we have an inside joke about that. Have you ever seen the Friends episode where Chandler won't cry no matter why happens? They keep telling him he's "dead inside." Yeah, that's Brad. And when he makes fun of me for being to emotional I just remind him that he's "dead inside." ;-)

Where do you eat out most as a couple? Wow, that's a hard one. We love going out to eat. Mostly because we have so much fun trying new things and having new experiences together. That being said, we get bored easily and try not to go back to the same place over and over again. But we used to eat at this great little Tex-Mex place called Amigo's right across the street from us at least once a week. They had the best salsa. Unfortunately they just closed so I guess we haven't found "our" new place yet.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? San Francisco? We went last summer for his cousin's wedding and had a blast!!

Who has the craziest exes? We were so young when we got together we don't really have too many exes . . . ?

Who has the worst temper? Definitely me. Remember what I was saying about being impatient earlier? :-/

Who does the cooking? Mostly me and I love it! Actually we have this system where he rates everything I cook on a scale from 1-10. It may sound dangerous but I love the feedback and it really helps me learn what he likes and how to make things better! Unless I disagree, then I just do what I want. ;-) OH! And did I mention he does the dishes. . . that's right. He's awesome!

Who is the neat-freak?

Um . . . have you met me? No? Oh well, then it's definitely me, hands down, no contest. Things being messy makes me twitch.

Who is more stubborn? Uh, for the most part, that'd be me again. But there are definitely some things that Brad is really ridiculously stubborn about. And they are mostly random and come from way out in left field and blindside be. But when he decides he wants to be stubborn he definitely knows how to be.

Who hogs the bed? Usually we are pretty good about sharing but Brad can be awful at hogging the covers. I think he just keeps rolling over at night, always away from me and instead of rolling under the covers he takes a new chunk with him!?!?! So that means by morning I'm squeezed under one lousy corner of the covers, huddled for warmth and he's cozy as can be with most of the covers dangling off the bed on his side!

Who wakes up earlier? For work, I do. On weekends, we tend to wake up at the same time (to an alarm).

Where was your first date?

Who is more jealous? Neither of us are very jealous.

How long did it take to get serious? I think by the time I graduated and joined him at college it was definitely serious. But you could also argue that two high school students maintaining a long-distance relationship for 2 years before that happened warranted a "serious" too. You decide.

Who eats more? Ugh, he does. I think I probably snack more but when it comes to mealtime it goes something like this. We order a medium pizza and I have two slices. Brad eats the rest. By the end of the meal, I feel like I'm going to puke and he's looking for something else to eat. The next morning I have trouble zipping my jeans and he's lost 2 pounds. Being a woman sux!

Who does the laundry? Laundry is my chore but if he's home he usually helps me fold and hang . . . why? Because he's awesome.

Who’s better with the computer? Probably Brad but not by a whole lot. We both find the computer to be pretty intuitive but he knows more about the hardware and I tend to focus on the software.

Who drives when you are together? Brad always does. It's never really discussed. Occassionally when he wants wine with dinner, he'll ask if I mind driving home. Other than that, he always drives. I love it!

~Layne

Christmas and a rivalry

You don't even know how happy it makes me to know that Christmas-time is officially here. It has always been a tradition to put up Christmas decorations the weekend after Thanksgiving so that is our plan today. Yesterday Brad was able to get started a little earlier in the day but then we had to break for a party we were throwing in honor of the Florida/Florida State game that afternoon.

For those who don't know, this is the biggest rivalry game in Florida and Florida State's season and it always occurs on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. This rivalry seems to stretch back since the beginning of time but really started in the 60's. These schools are the two flagship universities of the state of Florida so it makes sense that this rivalry game can become, let's say, intense on both sides. Anyway, since the two teams are in difference conferences this is never a hugely important game because it won't affect their conference standings. But you best believe that both teams (and their fans) get pumped for this particular game because at the very least bragging rights are at stake.

This season the Gators came into the game as the No. 1 team in the nation so we were pretty sure it would be a victory for us. Add to that that it was a rivalry game that we were coming into with a perfect season record and you better believe we wanted to beat 'em! And, of course, the Gators did not disappoint. We won a great victory yesterday, 37-10!

Back to Christmas decorations. . . with the game and related festivities out of the way that left today to decorate. It's one of my favorite parts of Christmas and I'm so excited it's here! We actually had a really full day because we were trying to hang outdoor lights for the first time in our new home. None of our ladders were tall enough so we had to go out and get another . . . and then the special hooks we bought didn't work on our roof so we had to devise another plan for how to attach the lights. . . and on and on it went. So we got started relatively early (around 11am) and finished decorating right before dinner time. Oh well!

I love the way the house looks! It's my first time getting to decorate an entire yard for Christmas and I think it turned out really well. And each year I look forward to unwrapping all the ornaments we've collected over the years and reminiscing with Brad as we hang them on the tree. Brad mostly loves trying to pull me under the mistletoe. At least he's getting into it, right? ;-)

I hope everyone else is having fun getting into the Christmas spirit! Our place is still a little but of a work in progress but pictures to come soon, I promise! I want to get the house a little more spruced up and then I will deliver!

~Layne

Accountability and the DOC

Since it's the holiday season I've been thinking about all the trouble that the big "D" can get me (us) in during this time of year. I know there are going to be bad days. The traditional Cookie Day that I have every year with my family where I eat half the dough before it can be made into cookies? ::blush:: That's gonna be a bad "D" day. :-) And it also got me thinking about how a lot of DOC-ers say that the reason they like being a part of the DOC is that there is less judgment here, less accountability for the day-to-day oop's of diabetes. And, to some extent it's true.

Exhibit A: So I caved and ate that really yummy looking fill-in-the-blank and it had some carbs hidden somewhere that I didn't count on and bam! I'm 300. Ok, I'll vent to the DOC about it because I'm sure they've been there and they'll understand.

Exhibit B: I thought I'd been doing really well and I went to see my Endo all happy and, turns out, my A1C is actually up half a percentage point. Well, #^&%#!! And now after I'm done kicking myself the Endo is judging me too! But I'll vent to the DOC, they'll get it.

These are just made up examples but you get my drift. I'm sure we all feel accountable and open to judgment by our Endo's, our spouse's, our parents (yes, my mother still worries and nags) and even ourselves. And I think the "ourselves" part is the worst, because it's our health that is at stake and we are experts at beating ourselves up over it. (At least, I am.) So I think it's nice that when we come together we try to cut each other slack because we've all been there.

Okay, but all that aside, I still do feel accountable to the DOC. I know that it's a place that I can go for support. But at the same time all the other DOC-ers out there make me want to be a "better" diabetic. It's like I'm not just doing it for myself anymore. I want to have good numbers to post, I want success stories. Of course, it's always funny to post about big flops I've had in my management, especially when it comes with a funny or entertaining story. But I want to be confident when I'm posting that I'm projecting an overall healthy, compliant and in-control image of a person with diabetes.

And it's not about competition. I'm not trying to beat anyone's anything. And I surely don't expect that if I do have a rough "D" day that anyone in the DOC (or cyberspace in general) would give me crap about it. That's crossing a line and I would absolutely defend myself. So I guess it's not really that I feel accountable to the DOC but that I like to make myself accountable. You all make me want to be better and that's a great thing! So thanks!

~Layne

Doh!

I'm exhausted. Between getting ready for and hosting Thanksgiving earlier this week and then working yesterday (the actual holiday) and today, I feel like I just got through running a friggin' marathon. I even came close to falling asleep on my husband on the couch after dinner! We were going to go straight to bed when I realized, "DOH!" I've still got to post.

Not too much to post about, though. Today was another day at work. Love working with the lovely ladies at the NICU and when you have the right crew at work it makes a world of difference and today it was a whole lot of fun! Even still it was a long day and I'm very tired.

Also I realized today that I just suck. Yesterday I forgot about two really important things that I'm thankful for. Double "DOH!" These are probably the two most important things in my life. Here they are:

~Layne

What am I thankful for?

I am at work right now but I am thankful that the crew I am working with is the "cool crew." ;-) We are actually having a good time today and my coworkers brought in a wonderful feast of goodies for lunch today! And we had an awesome charge today who was trying to coordinate a big Gator-filled spirit day tomorrow in honor of the rivalry game on Saturday. Why tomorrow you ask? Well, I asked too since tomorrow is Friday and the game is Saturday! She said, well, because we are all working tomorrow and should show our spirit! Good answer! She's even wrangling non-Gator folks into the fun! I love it. And since I'm always down for anything Gator-fied so we will all be decked out in our Gator gear tomorrow!

I am also thankful that my Thanksgiving celebration with the fam yesterday went really well! And everything was delish! (Except for the turkey but I'm not a big turkey fan which is why I just had ham. But, from the peeps who actually like turkey, I heard it was good!) I also now have a fridge full of leftovers, which both my husband and I are thankful for! Because it means that he has a weekend of double-meat sandwiches ahead of him (have you not heard? Brad is a carnivore to the nth degree!) and it also means that I don't have to cook for a while, which is always good news when I'm working!! :-D

But seriously, yesterday was a very exciting for us. It was really nice to have both of our families with us all together to celebrate a holiday. Everyone got along great, the conversation was fun and it was just a good time. And of course I got to do my favorite thing and play hostess and cook yummy food. I was so excited to put the leaf in our table and see it set with the candles lit. It made me feel like such an adult. Which is weird since I'm 27 but I seriously feel like a big kid sometimes. Brad and I were so happy at the end of the day yesterday, even cleaning up we were talking about how much fun it was and how well it went. And I officially started piping Christmas carols into the house during clean-up because Thanksgiving is over. . . .which means it's officially Christmas season!!! And that makes me happy.

Anyway, I hope everyone else is having and happy and safe Thanksgiving!
~Layne

PS: For anyone who is curious, I woke up low yesterday morning (48) and had a crazy rebound high (421! WTF!?!) and all that was before the Thanksgiving meal! But we ate around 1pm and for the rest of the day my sugars behaved nicely!

Wordless Wednesday

Okay, two words: Happy Thanksgiving!!
~Layne

Burn out

Okay, so I don't know about all of y'all, but I'm getting a little burnt out on this NaBloPoMo thing. Not only am I running out of material here but I keep almost forgetting to post! As I'm preparing to crawl into a nice warm inviting bed I am jerked out of my relaxation and into the realization that I haven't posted!!

Then I scream"NaBloPoMo!" as I run from the bedroom to warm up the laptop and punch out a post! This usually leave my husband scratching his head and grumbling about how November isn't any fun this year. ;-)

Well, today (and probably for the next few days) I'm going to cop-out a little. Oh, I will post for sure but they might be a little fluffy and light on the content. But like I said before, I'm hosting my first Thanksgiving this year and I'm way to busy with the preparations for this sh!t. So for anyone else out there who is a little over-anxious and tweaked out about the fast-approaching holiday, can I get a "Holla!" And just don't be surprised if I quasi-abandon this blog for the next few days. I promise to return with stories and pictures. . . if you're good. ;-)

Gotta run now. Got a house to clean and decorate and a turkey to brine!

Over and out,
~Layne

"Brittle?" Really?

I started this post months ago when I started my new (at the time) job. It's usually a slow and sometimes awkward transition when the folks I work with start to realize I'm diabetic. Sometimes it just comes out in conversation and other times they will see me check my sugar or take a shot. Or, more embarrassingly, they find out because I've been a complete airhead, left my insulin at home and find myself running through the halls in a panic trying to find someone, anyone to help get me more! (See here.)

Well, for the first few weeks at this particular job, for whatever reason, I kept having some very frustrating run-ins with my coworkers. Now, just so you know, my personal favorite is the term "brittle" diabetic. (Note: that was sarcasm.) It's so freakin' antiquated, it just makes me cringe. Somehow within the first few weeks of this job FOUR of my coworkers had already asked me if I'm "brittle" once they found out I was diabetic!! Why, you ask? Well, two asked when they saw me test and I was low, one asked because she saw me test and I was high and one asked because she thought I was testing my blood sugar "an awful lot"! WTF?!?

Now, I know that my coworkers are NICU nurses and are used to working with patient's who happen to be smaller than your last hamburger and diabetes doesn't really come into the picture. But, c'mon! They're still nurses!! And "brittle"? Really?!? It took all I had in me to keep from saying, "Geez, when did you learn about diabetes? 1972?" But then I remembered that I'm often referred to as a "young'un" and they probably were the class of '72 and I should probably shut up before I get my butt beat. Or worse, Death by Dirty Looks.

Obviously, none of them has any idea of what it's really like to be diabetic. Not in a Julie Roberts movie, but in the real world. Highs and lows are a part of life for me, for every diabetic. I don't know any diabetic whose management is down to such a perfect routine that they are never high or low and don't ever need to check their sugar. Um, hello!?! That's what being diabetic is. And since when is checking your sugar too often a bad thing that is a sign of sickness? Um, no. I'm in pretty good control (my last A1C was 6.3, thank-you-very-much) and wanna know why? 'Cuz I check my damn sugars every 2 seconds.

Because after 18 years I've learned enough about diabetes to know that just because I *think* I've done all I need to do, it's more likely to snow in hell than for my bloodsugar to actually behave. So I am constantly whipping out my meter. All you non-diabetic folks out there have a pancreas that is kind enough to do the job for you every minute of every day. Well, since mine decided to crap out 18 years ago, I figure the more often I check my sugar and correct it, the more my body will behave like yours. Obviously I can't check my sugar every minute but about 6 or more times/day is my norm . . . and that's when everything is going well! The number goes up to 10 or more when I'm having a bad day.

Even better, when I tried to educate a few of my coworkers they all nodded their heads and swore that they believed that of course I was a good little diabetic but that I should have seen this other nurse that used to work there. Her diabetes was so bad that she needed an insulin pump! Gasp! And she was very noncompliant because she would eat cake whenever there were birthday parties and they all tried to get her to see the light but she would just say she could eat whatever she wanted and whip out her pump!! The horror! . . .

Do you see what I'm working with here?

And it wasn't just one but several people who told me "stories" about this particular diabetic who used to work there. I would try to politely say that I used to be on the pump and it isn't at all a measure of how severe or well-controlled someone's diabetes is. And in fact the way most diabetics are managed today, we can eat what we want in moderation and we count our carbs and bolus for it. When I was done explaining, again, I got sympathetic (yet disbelieving) nods from everyone I talked to.

There were a few moments of humor in all these exchanges, though. The really funny part came when I asked where I could get some OJ or milk because my blood sugar was low. (FYI, I work in a hospital and we have access to snacks and juice boxes for patients so I have just learned to grab one of those if I need to treat on-the-go at work.) Anyway, my coworker asked what my bloodsugar was and I told her 60. Well, she proceeds to fly off down the hall, around the corner, buzzing around so fast I can barely keep up with her. In the process, I see her stopping other nurses, asking where the patient nutrition room is and telling them that there is a diabetic nurse in the NICU who is low and needs a juice! Juice, dammit!! She finally gets to the patient nutrition room where she slows down long enough to whip open the fridge and in the process notices I'm right behind her. She gets all wide-eyed and tells me to "go sit down" because she "doesn't want me passing out" on her! I told her that I was really okay and wanted to follow her so I knew where to go in the future if I ever need a snack. And I couldn't stop grinning all day and and making fun her the rest of the day. I tried to explain it wasn't an emergency but, again, with the strange looks.

I know every diabetic out there has run-ins with people who just don't get it or like to judge or give unhelpful opinions or advice. So I'm not really sure why these run-ins had me so riled up. Maybe it was because every single person used the term "brittle" which I loathe. ::double cringe:: Or maybe it was because it happened like 4 times in 2 weeks. Who knows?

So, fellow D-bloggers, does anyone ever accuse you of being "brittle?" Are there buzzwords that drive you nuts? Does one high or low blood sugar send your friends/coworkers/family into hysterics? Or have you ever felt like you try to tell a non-diabetic what it's really like and you can tell they don't believe you?!?! When it comes to diabetes awareness, I really wish that the general public would just calm the hell down and the media or whoever is responsible for this massively misinformed public would fix it or just shut up and stop making it worse! Because it's driving me crazy!

~Layne

Thanksgiving Meme

So there is something coming up that I'm actually very nervous about. And, no, for once I'm not talking about my new job! This year I will be working on Thanksgiving day and the Friday after. Bummer, I know. But since this is also our first year in our house I thought it worked out perfectly to host our first Thanksgiving! On Thanksgiving day our families will still be having their separate holidays but they are all coming together to celebrate with Brad and I on Wednesday. And I say it works out perfectly because I seriously doubt that in this stage in my life either of our families would hand the Thanksgiving hosting over to me except that if they don't allow me to host my own little get together I'll be completely Thanksgiving-less.

I'm actually really, really excited about it but since it's my first year hosting we are keeping it small. It will just be us, Brad's parents and my mom and grandmother. So only six, which for me seems small. Also our parents are being kind enough to bring over some dishes with them . And I think it will be the first holiday that our families will be spending together rather than us just making the rounds to everyone's houses. All very exciting!

I don't know why I'm so anxious about this but I am. I really enjoy hosting and cooking and entertaining and I'm a perfectionist to boot. Plus Thanksgiving seems like the ultimate hosting job! It's is hyped up to be this very important (and very involved) meal for the whole family and I just want everyone to enjoy my "Thanksgiving" as much as they would there own. I've already started preparations for the day of and I'll let you all know how it goes! Wish me luck!

So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I've seen this meme floating around on a few DOC blogs here and there and I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring. Hope you enjoy!

~Layne

1. What are the traditional favorites?

Well, I'm not much of a turkey person (but we have it every year 'cuz of tradition and all that) but I really love all the sides. Especially the bread (honey yeast rolls) and dessert!

2. What new recipes will you try this year?

Since this is my first year cooking, I guess you could say that the turkey is my "new recipe" since I've never cooked a whole turkey before. Since I'm not in love with turkey I'm adding ham to the menu. Other than that I'm sticking to dishes I've made before. I figured that was a safe bet since I'm a newb. Oh! But I am making a new recipe for dessert; pear and almond tart! YUM! Can't wait to see how it turns out!

3. What part of the meal do you never compromise?

I got to many different get-togethers (two immediate families, extended family and friends, etc) and there is different stuff at each one. My family is mostly southern, Brad's family usually throw in a dish or two that we normally wouldn't and with my friends, you never know. I guess the one thing that is common to them all is turkey! And maybe mashed potatoes.

4. Who gets to carve the turkey?

Usually it's the man of the house. I guess this year it will be my husband. That's so exciting!

5. Family style around the table or buffet style and everyone sits wherever there’s room?

Probably buffet style from the kitchen mostly because there will be so much food that it won't all fit on the table. But we do always put the rolls, butter, and gravy on the table.

6. How many will be at your table this year?

Six of us: me, Brad, my mom and grandmother and Brad's mom and dad. And Raina, too, if you count under the table.

7. Three best pies for Thanksgiving dessert?

Pumpkin pie, pecan pie and (hopefully) my pear pie!

8. Cranberry sauce… yay or nay?

Nah. Not a huge fan.

9. What time do you eat Thanksgiving Dinner?

My family always does any kind of holiday meal (including Thanksgiving) in the early afternoon, usually 1-2pm. I've always secretly thought that we do it to justify us grazing for the rest of the day on the leftovers.

10. Favorite leftover?

I like leftovers but I can't say that I have a favorite. I really just like not having to cook for several days after because even when we don't host Thanksgiving all the 'rents insist on sending us home with tons of food. But my husband LOVES all the turkey, ham and turkey-ham sandwiches that he can make in the days following Thanksgiving.

Big News (Part 2)

So I know that I wasn't so forthcoming with the info yesterday so I decided to clue everyone in on the details of the new job (eeeek! yay!!). As much as you've heard me talk about the job market in Orlando for NNPs (Neonatal Nurse Practitioners) and the fact that I've been driving quite a ways to interviews, I'm sure by now you've guessed that my new job will involve quite a commute.

And it's true. The new position is in Jacksonville and it will be about a 2 hour drive. But the beauty of this position is that I will be able to work longer shifts and longer shifts equals fewer shift which equals fewer trips there and back. I will be working 3 24-hour shifts every 2 weeks. So I figure the commute isn't as much of a big deal when I'm only doing it (on average) 1.5 times per week!

The best thing about this NNP position is that it puts me in a Level 3 NICU. This is where the sickest babies are. My patients could be on ventilators, need surgery, special meds, special procedure. And all this means that I will be learning every time I step foot in the door. I can't wait. This is exactly what I was looking for. I would love to be able to find a job in the city I live in but it just doesn't exist and I'm so done chasing butterflies and assuming something will land in my lap just because I want it so badly.

Everything about this place feels right. The people are wonderful, the atmosphere is great and it seems like a wonderful place to learn and grow as a clinician. So I am totally stoked! For now, I will be staying at my nursing job in town. Getting priviledges (a process that any MD or NP has to get to work in a hospital) in a new hospital tends to be a long process and I'm assuming I won't be able to start until at least after the holidays. So it will be hard to wait but I know it will be here soon enough and I can't wait!

~Layne

Big News!

Well, I guess I finally have to spill the beans, huh? I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I had been going on interviews and this week I received an job offer and I accepted! So I will (re)join the ranks as a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner. Only this time I will be working in a Level 3 NICU, the highest acuity facility with the sickest babies.

Essentially this means I will be getting back to doing what I really love. I wanted to wait until the offer was firm and official (which it is) and until I had told the managers at my current job. I felt like that was the most respectful, professional thing to do rather than have them find out 3rd hand from someone who had read my blog. Well, I had an appointment with my manager today but it fell through and I just couldn't keep it to myself any more!!

There is so much more to tell about this position but, for now, just know that it's what I want and I'm so excited and happy to be getting back into the practitioner role!

YAYY!!
::does another happy dance::

~Layne

Sorry . . .

. . . but you'll have to wait one more day for the good news. It's all settled and good but I want to make sure everyone who should be in the know in is actually in the know before it goes up on the blog. This whole internet age is a slippery slope and as much as I'd like to shout from the rooftops right now if the right people find out certain things at the wrong time or in the wrong way (aka by reading it online) it could be not-so-good. So I guess I was a little trigger-happy with my tease . . . sorry to string you along but just one more day. . . . ;-)

I know I suck. Sorry.

But I don't want to be a complete slacker and since I kinda did a cop out post yesterday I didn't want to completely cop out again today. So I did a legitatimate post . . uh. . . on another blog. If any of you have actually visited my profile page you know that I actually do have another blog. I love cooking and I double love food. I wish I partake in both more often. And when it comes to blogs, I largely follow the DOC but am also really into cooking blogs. Love them. Wish and dream that I could be that good at what I do when I'm in the kitchen, not to mention make my food look that great on camera.

But again, I digress. My best friend (who is an amazing cook) and I decided to try our hand at a cooking blog. Well, if you can believe it, it has become more deserted than this blog. Ten posts in 10 months. Shameful, really. But I have been trying. So today I decided to post on a recipe that I made about a month ago. And I thought I would share it.

French Toast Bread Pudding.

Beware: It is about the most unfriendly diabetic food on the face of the planet. Loads of bread and gobs of simple sugars make this recipe your blood sugar's worst nightmare. But, if you dare, it is totally worth the insulin. Just round up when you are carb estimating and you will be fine. ;-)

Enjoy!

Exciting News!!!!

But I can't tell you until tomorrow. . . . don't wanna jinx it! ;-)

YAAAYYYYYY!!!!!! ::does a happy dance::

~Layne

National Prematurity Awareness Day

Ok. I feel like this is starting to get ridiculous. It seems like November is a very popular month for causes . . . at least causes that are very relevant to me. And, like the slacker I am, I just found out that today is National Prematurity Awareness Day. (Kinda like last year when I found out about World Diabetes Day on November 14th?!?)

As most of you know by know prematurity and otherwise sick infants is a passion of mine as well as a career for me. I follow a lot of preemie-parent blogs, some of these babies I've actually taken care of and others I found through the grapevine and the babies or parents captured my attention (read: heart).

So today I was reading Three Cheers for Babies (a blog by the wonderful parents of triplets who lost on of their little girls in the NICU) and it was there that I learned about National Prematurity Awareness Month (November) and Day (November 17). (And, yes, I was at work today reading my blogroll . . . what's your point?)

So, just like diabetes, I know that prematurity does not affect everyone out there. But if you are a mom/dad, mom/dad-to-be or ever plan on having a family, please visit the March of Dimes website and learn about what you can do to make your baby and your pregnancy as healthy as possible.