Saturday, November 28, 2009

Accountability and the DOC

Since it's the holiday season I've been thinking about all the trouble that the big "D" can get me (us) in during this time of year. I know there are going to be bad days. The traditional Cookie Day that I have every year with my family where I eat half the dough before it can be made into cookies? ::blush:: That's gonna be a bad "D" day. :-) And it also got me thinking about how a lot of DOC-ers say that the reason they like being a part of the DOC is that there is less judgment here, less accountability for the day-to-day oop's of diabetes. And, to some extent it's true.

Exhibit A: So I caved and ate that really yummy looking fill-in-the-blank and it had some carbs hidden somewhere that I didn't count on and bam! I'm 300. Ok, I'll vent to the DOC about it because I'm sure they've been there and they'll understand.

Exhibit B: I thought I'd been doing really well and I went to see my Endo all happy and, turns out, my A1C is actually up half a percentage point. Well, #^&%#!! And now after I'm done kicking myself the Endo is judging me too! But I'll vent to the DOC, they'll get it.

These are just made up examples but you get my drift. I'm sure we all feel accountable and open to judgment by our Endo's, our spouse's, our parents (yes, my mother still worries and nags) and even ourselves. And I think the "ourselves" part is the worst, because it's our health that is at stake and we are experts at beating ourselves up over it. (At least, I am.) So I think it's nice that when we come together we try to cut each other slack because we've all been there.

Okay, but all that aside, I still do feel accountable to the DOC. I know that it's a place that I can go for support. But at the same time all the other DOC-ers out there make me want to be a "better" diabetic. It's like I'm not just doing it for myself anymore. I want to have good numbers to post, I want success stories. Of course, it's always funny to post about big flops I've had in my management, especially when it comes with a funny or entertaining story. But I want to be confident when I'm posting that I'm projecting an overall healthy, compliant and in-control image of a person with diabetes.

And it's not about competition. I'm not trying to beat anyone's anything. And I surely don't expect that if I do have a rough "D" day that anyone in the DOC (or cyberspace in general) would give me crap about it. That's crossing a line and I would absolutely defend myself. So I guess it's not really that I feel accountable to the DOC but that I like to make myself accountable. You all make me want to be better and that's a great thing! So thanks!


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