That's all I could think as I drove home today from my interview. Well, I'm using the word "think" here very loosely because at the end of a long day that started at 6am with a 2 hour drive, consisted of meeting 20 million people, asking and being asked 50 kazillion questions and walking all over the two hospitals I was a little, uh, fried . . . to say the least. So I vegged out the first 20 minutes or so of the drive.
But then I got to thinking about today's interview and I also thought back on my previous interview two weeks ago. I had so much floating around in my head, comparisons, facts, people, place. . . I thought my brain might actually ooze out of my ears and onto Interstate 4 as I drove back home. Before I went on this interview I had really thought my decision clear but today the waters became very murky. I have two great institutions to choose from. Two great Level 3 NICU's that I have to choose between. (That is, if I am lucky enough to get an offer from both. But I do have to say I think I did really well on both interviews.)
So this looming decision weighed on me. How was I going to choose? Would I make the right choice? Then I thought of the past 2 years . . . had it really been that long? December marks 2 years since I graduated, full of hope and ambition. But that two years had brought some really rough times. An fruitless job hunt in Orlando, months spent in an NP position that ended up being completely unfulfilling and infuriating, the highs and lows of interviewing at my one hope at a position in Orlando and then getting turned down and then stepping down to a RN position just to regain my sanity. When it comes to my career, the last 2 years have been emotionally and physically draining to say the least.
And then it dawned on me. . . what a wonderful problem to have. And at that second I thanked God for the opportunity to experience this problem. A choice between two Level 3 NICUs were I can persue my passion and really learn. These are exactly the kinds of places I have been looking for. Sure, it's a commute. But this is something I have been wanting (and missing out on) for so long. And I am so, SO grateful that I am finally in a place where I can work in a place that fits me. A place where I can make a difference, do what I love and learn new things about a field I am truly passionate about every day.
And that's what I thought for the rest of my ride home. It's over. The search. The stress. The greif. The uncertainty. It's over.
PS: A diabetes related note: Wouldn't you freaking know that I got low twice! On each interview!! Luckily I brought snacks that I stowed in my purse to be ready for this exact situation, but seriously?!? Some days I really think having diabetes is like taking a toddler with you everywhere you go. There are those important days where you just pray it will, sit down, shut up and just behave and not embarrass you. Oh well. ;-)
3 days ago